[	mood	|	relaxed	]
[	music	|	Poetic Tragedy -The Used	]

Well, there were alot of things going on this weekend and for the most part I am aware of what I actually participated in. If I did something stupid or in anyway insulted someone whilst intoxicated Friday sorry ...unless we have a shared dislike for each other anyway. Friday left me in a state where I literally didn't want to do anything afterwards. Well, I did manage to get off my ass long enough to mill aimlessly around retail stores and buy nothing and loaf around e_thropp 's apartment and gossip about the people we didn't know or hadn't seen in a long time at the party as many of you may have been doing about us. I seemed to really enjoy the "me" time yesterday since glaswegian_took had made plans with some friends, but I missed her in her absence as always. Perhaps it was just the stimuli overload from having an overexposure of people Friday. As much fun as it was to act like a drunken idiot around people I didn't know, I was happy to spend Saturday just hanging out with the people I actually knew at the cookout.

I want to make sure that I make the most out of all the great things in my life right now, but I don't want to be so consumed with planning things for the future that I neglect to live right now. I'm trying to find where those boundaries lie. I know there are alot of resources within myself and outside I have yet to tap into and things I have long since abandoned and left behind because I felt them linked to a part of myself I wanted to leave behind. " You can't let what you were tell you who you are," as I'm so fond of saying. Time to take my own advice. Nothing so radical came from my contemplation. There was no " it's time to grow up." There was no "it's time to relax and have fun and enjoy life." There was "let me try to balance it all." I'm already doing that I suppose. It's not the development of progressive or recessive conclusions. It was just me thinking about the things going on and really trying to see them. It's good to look out the windows sometimes and watch the scenery pass by and look at the people in the car with you and tell them again (even if the last time was just 5 minutes ago) how their company makes this journey through life the great thing that it is.

Fun quotes to remember from the weekend:

bitfiend : "On your mom's face"

glaswegian_took : "If a giant saw that cake, he'd be just like ...boop"</span>

fingerhead : "There's nothing wrong with alittle head"

e_thropp : "Jello is evil!!!"

vonchewie : "26 shots!!!"

xiii13thirteen : "No, I don't think you do."

camenaecamenae : "Bohawk" 

[	mood	|	amused	]
[	music	|	George washing dishes	]

LJ Friends Meme by coolerq

[	mood	|	happy	]
[	music	|	Raw Power -Iggy and the Stooges	]

( I met her in the Fall. The leaves were red, yellow, and orange. It was like the world was set on fire. )

[	mood	|	excited	]
[	music	|	Since You've Been Gone -Kelly Clarkson	]

It is pronounced how it is spelled.

Well pray or arrange your runestones for me as I am attempting my first lasagna. I've been referencing web pages to make sure I am doing this correctly. I know this is such a simple task that most children will be able to navigate the recipe directions to destination "super lasagna," but glaswegian_took can vouche that while I am quite literate I don't always make use of this skill. There was some question in my use of cottage cheese in lieu of rocotta cheese. I could swear this is what mom used in lasagna growing up and looking at online recipes this is actually pretty common place. At first I figured my mom got mixed up years ago (as I believe the trait of mixed direction application is hereditary or socialized or something.) I decided to go with one in particular and I think I made a good choice. I don't want to go too crazy with this thing as I need a good outcome so I can mix another dish I can quickly whip up for dinner.

I think I am getting better at cooking (now watch me burn the damn lasagna tonight.) I even managed to flip several fried eggs without breaking the yokes. I am honing my domestication skills. Feel free to post tips or well wishes.  

[	mood	|	chipper	]
[	music	|	Bohemian Like You -Dandy Warhols	]

It was a good and bad weekend. It was "good" in the way weekends go. Extra time to sleep. Extra time to recreate. Extra time with glaswegian_took . Extra time. What time was dedicated to apartment productivity (aka. cleaning and the like) felt good even though it was "work." She spends so much time at the apartment now it just doesn't make sense that she not have closet space. We got up a bunch of stuff I had in boxes and finally put them in their rightful places and cleared up almost half of the walk-in closet for her. I really am going to miss her when she leaves this summer to go live with her friend even though it will just be across town. :(

Speaking of sadness I was a extremely sad panda this weekend as I fumbled with a virus infected laptop, a comforter that acted more like a "irritator" as yours trully decided that the compact sized washer was ready to handle the job of washing this huge thing. Well, let's just say at the end of the evening there was smoke. There was water in the floor and after 3 drying sessions the thing still isn't dry and is dirtier than when I started this misadventure. I also made a mess out of the kitchen. Today seemed to turn things around a bit though as my cinnamin rolls were not quite terrible (actually quite good) as I expected. Got glaswegian_took some cute clothes this weekend also (swoon!!!) Saw bitfiend andwhisteriansky at Express while at the mall shopping. It is always great to see them and thanks guys for the invite to Tokyo last night. I wish I had gone now that I realize that staying at home just created problems as I tried to be productive. ee_pirate I hope your doing better. Tim's Cajun Kitchen was kicking Friday night. It is something we will definately have to do again under better circumstances.

[	mood	|	determined	]
[	music	|	Friday Night -The Darkness	]

Epiphany

Dust Devils.

Dust Devils.

Show me what I don't want to see.

See the layers from the past.

Gaze the pages to the last.

Dust Devils.

Dust Devils.

Tell me more and more about me.

Shout to me why they stare.

Whisper to me the nightmare.

Restless. I've been stirred from sleep with nightmares lately. Things in life seem to be heading in positive directions despite seeing many things pass out of my life. I am as always sporting a fool's optimism and faith for the unknown future. Somewhere beyond all the clouds the sun is still shining and hope sleeps to my left.

 Yes, I did this quiz despite being of the wrong gender. Post if you get anything other than perfect as I've seen no other results.

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

[	mood	|	relaxed	]
[	music	|	Afternoons and Coffeespoons -Crash Test Dummies	]

Ever look at the increments of time tied to things and you just want to flip? 26 years of life? 8 years since highschool? Driving for 10 years? 3 months with glaswegian_took ? They all are measurements for things transcended and still flowing through the veins almost all of them seem like miscalculations when I know they are true. It is like stepping on a scale and being like "OH MY GOD!!! I didn't realize it was so much turn in one direction or the other." It's actually 1 in the morning? Where does all the time go? Straight to the etched lines of your face to some it seems. Wasn't this coffee hot 5 minutes ago? Oh, well maybe it was a bit longer than 5 minutes. Damn is it after 10 o'clock? Are we doing sushi? I have to wait like 5 minutes for them to make the stuff though. I seems a much longer time when not in the context of cooling coffee.

Seems like a lifetime ago I was something I'm not now. Whether that be me 5 years ago or 5 months ago. Sometimes I change more in a month than I will in 3 years. Things move fast now. Things move slow. Do I feel older today? I feel older every hour. Some are blinks of an eye. Some are an eternity. They are both an hour. Lifetimes or a single breath that we are told are the same size.

[	mood	|	grateful	]
[	music	|	Every Breath You Take -The Police	]

I am so glad my party turned out to be a success. Alot of people didn't show that I thought would, but that is ok due to the cold temperatures I was concerned with everyone being piled in the house. As with all great things I'd like to thank alot of people for making everything run as smoothly as it did. The credits follow ...

bitfiend -thanks for providing a house and tolerance. Your always such a great friend and I appreciate you more than you will likely ever know.

whisteriansky -for not killing all of the people that were making insane amounts of noise while you were trying to recover.

ee_pirate -for doing your best to catch up with me. glaswegian_took and I are brainstorming food ideas for Dune night. The spice must flow. It'll be cinnamin something somewhere I assure you.

chris21718 -thank you so much for my gift and card. I appreciate them and you so much. Thanks for bringing my gf some fabulous records.

Keegan -I know you have no LJ, but thank you for my vanilla vodka and being such a pleasant spirit throughout the night. You are always welcome to come over and visit my gf and myself and I'll contact you for Dune night I think.

vonchewie -thank you for showing up you always have such a positive attitude.

jasonfoo -thank you for my six pack. I know the plastic piece was the gift, but I couldn't bring myself to stretch it out for the sake of my present.

_k_j_ and iovnow -I've not seen you guys together in a while and I love that you guys made it out to see me thank you thank you thank you.

tr1ckgn0s1s and ep_e -thanks for making it out. Love the hair.</span>

camenaecamenae -for coming out. Wow, you were still there in the wee hours.

cacophonous_joy -for actually taking a picture.

qpsiphi1911 -for acting as the function's in house snake charmer.

closetdiva -for my trivia game. Thank you for coming and joining us on our Denny's adventure.

kestrel618 andaposak -you guys are damn cute. Stay that way and I'm glad you guys came out.

fritzling -thanks for coming out and taking pictures despite the sensitive circumstances.

e_thropp -you have grown to be such a close friend and your like the male version of my girlfriend with a charisma and confidence that is very magnetic. Thanks for joining us on the Denny's adventure as well your humor helped me over that rough spot of the evening.

zyndril -I'm so glad you made it out you are always fun to have with us. Sorry I was so drunk I would have tried to talk something that wasn't absolute gibberish.

sydneydawn -thanks for driving and putting up with back seat driving. You are a master of driving through the fog. Your new interest is a fun guy and very attractive and I look forward to seeing him more often.

avatar1999 -thank you for not showing up hahahaha. It seems alot of drama was avoided with your absence. I hope you had a good evening regardless.

glaswegian_took -none of this would have mattered at all without my better half. Thank you for always being there for me. Your smiles are like the air I breathe and I can't imagine going a day without them. Thanks for putting up with some annoying stuff Saturday and staying up super late despite having to work yesterday.

Thanks to everyone who came and I hope you all had a great time. Last week was a rough week and I'm glad weather didn't cancel my party. I toasted to absent friends. I also toasted to present friends. Alot of lines were drawn and pointed to in reminder of my past and future. It was like I was seeing aspects of my life all around me at once. I respect my past. I don't know if my past respects me, but I love my present and I am hopeful for the future. I just turned 26. There is nothing signifigant about that number, but there is something wonderful about starting off this year so unlike the last. I feel loved. 

[	mood	|	hopeful	]
[	music	|	May It Be -Enya	]

( They are all leaving. )

[	mood	|	melancholy	]
[	music	|	No One but You -Queen	]

My mom always told me death comes in 3's. Last night at M-Night I was upset about the passing of my friend Patrick and I left early. I so didn't want to put a damper on the evening and I thank ee_pirate , jasonfoo , my fantabulous gf, and everyone else on reminding me what wonderful people I have in my life. Unfortunately the bad news had only began to leer it's ugly head and I have 3rd death to add to this month as I figure some of my friends especially the older ones will know her. Monday trully was the worse day of the year. I feel so bad speaking of it so lightly on my Monday post.

Tabitha Kates also lost her life this Monday night at about 11 o'clock PM. I was sent an e-mail about it yesterday, but I was upset and attending Patrick's wake so I only got the e-mail this morning. I am UTTERLY shocked to see so much death in a single month. She was driving back to CA after a weekend trip to Las Vegas when she lost control of her car on a somewhat desolute strip of road. Her car was caught in a side ditch or some sort of off road depression. Her car spun and slammed into the opposite end enbankment and compacted the driver's side. She was injured and still managed to call 911 despite losing several teeth from the collision. Being off the beaten path it was some time before any help arrived. A passerby finally found her before help could arrive she was pale and unresponsive with the 911 operator still on the phone. When police arrived they realized she had gone into shock. She was dead by the time paramedics arrived from internal bleeding and shock. She would have been 32 this Febuary 3rd.

Her services will be today in CA at 2 o'clock. I'm shocked. If I find out about any sort of local memorial I'll let you all know. Her family has flown to the westcoast for her service. I'll post other details to those interested as I get them.

[	mood	|	hopeful	]
[	music	|	I'm in Love with My Car -Brian May	]

Patrick Panter's memorial service will be today at 3-5 at the Great Wall of China South Parkway. I know that sounds weird, but what do you expect it is Patrick. Because of the location I think there is no body visitation and I think Patrick has been cremated and the memorial service will likely be pictures and such. I thought some of you would like to attend and I only found out this morning.

I believe the memorial is today only. I'll be sending out directions to my birthday party today via e-mail to Keegan, Christina, Brandy, Rob, Jason, Chewie, Jasmine, Melanie, Jim, Cat, Kat, Kristin, Spectre, Turbopunk, Chris with digits, and Loren. I think I have everyone covered in that needs directions that I don't have to call or they already know their way to the location. If your interested and going, but the decision will likely be last minute ask for my number and I can direct you in that night.

I'll also be at M-Night tonight with glaswegian_took so I look forward to seeing you all there. I know I haven't been in the last couple of weeks. Plus I'm in a bit of a queso dip mood. Perhaps that will become a taco mood as the 8 o'clock hour grows near, but as it stands it is a queso mood. 

[	mood	|	sad	]
[	music	|	Blackout -Muse	]

Man dies when his car runs into back of truck
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Huntsville Times

A man was killed Monday night in a traffic wreck on Memorial Parkway near Redstone Road when the car he was driving ran into the back of a pickup truck, police said.

The accident happened shortly before 7:30 p.m. in the northbound lanes of Memorial Parkway. The driver of a mid-sized station wagon ran into the rear of a Dodge "Dually" pickup truck, police said.

The driver of the station wagon was transported to Huntsville Hospital, where he was pronounced dead. The name of the driver was being withheld pending notification of relatives. He was alone in his car. The driver of the pickup truck was not injured. His name was not immediately available.

The wreck is under investigation.

( Farewell to a friend. )

[	mood	|	geeky	]
[	music	|	Vindicated -Dashboard Confessional	]

( Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double edged sword. It both emboldens the blood and narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind is closed, the leader will have need in seizing the rights of citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so. How do I know this? Because I have done this, and I am Caesar. )

[	mood	|	energetic	]
[	music	|	Bedshaped -Keane	]

( Dance of the silver tongues. )

[	mood	|	crazy	]
[	music	|	Too Much Love Will Kill You -Brian May	]

( My first quiz didn't want to post. )

[	mood	|	enthralled	]
[	music	|	Mad About You -Belinda Carlisle	]

( Survey Time. )

[	mood	|	energetic	]
[	music	|	Sunday Bloody Sunday -U2	]

( And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. -Anais Nin. Sextion 2. )

[	mood	|	cheerful	]
[	music	|	Never There -Strata	]

Why do bad things happen to good people? Maybe there is some explaination beyond the gullible outlooks and seeming dispensibility of such people. How many "good" people to you know? Do you often count yourself within their ranks? Is it just me that notices this? I don't know how often I have said that I was gonna give it all up. This is a demeanor that is hard to maintain. So often you feel as if you are becoming the dog that has been beat by a stick too many times. That your life of pain makes you self reliant and apprehensive to everything. Snapping at all hands placed before you. You look at strangers with mistrust. You look at yourself that way also. I don't know how many times I've looked over the edge of a tall building or structure and thought about jumping off. Not because I'm suicidal. I don't know why I could even think such things. You wonder how well you know yourself. I stay away from the ledges.

Is there a battered dog in me? In you? Self serving? Of course, there is. It is easy to be all those things, but like that dog you are these "horrible" things because you are scared. We all fell off of the bike learning how to ride it, but we wanted to learn soo bad. So you get up and you brush your knees off and you try again. It is amazing how many good things we forget when we grow up. I think that is why I don't like those words. "Grow up." I mean I understand the reasoning behind it, but it is often used in the context of you being "realistic." Stop dreaming. Don't think the strangers won't nab you and stick you in their car and don't trust those smiling faces. I know we are just protecting them. I know that "growing up" you are just protecting yourselves. It is weird though to hear the voices that once told you you could be anything, turn around and ask you what the hell are you gonna do with an art degree. Remember wanting to draw comics? Being a ballerina? Writing your own book? Where did it all go. Why do the heads now sway right and left and not up and down. How come this mentality has infected all those around you as well.

Bad things happen to good people either because they are ignorant and refuse to accept certain things as true. We don't look for blades in the Halloween candy. When people tell us they will love us forever we believe them. We walk away with alot of strangers. We were made to be victims. Sometimes I wonder if that is so bad. It hurts falling off our metaphorical bikes. We'll keep getting up until we figure we are to old for such things. We are too old for pain anymore. I say "not right now." I hope not ever.